so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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