that's an acceptable place to lick
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
