He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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