The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
