Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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