Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
