Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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