I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
