Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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