dude i'm inner monologue high
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize