its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
