I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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