omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
