i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
