So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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