hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
