dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
