Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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