I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
