Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
