i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
