I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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