This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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