the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
