you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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