Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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