The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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