If i come over, it means nothing
I hate your face
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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