cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
