just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
