Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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