did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize