I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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