I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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