you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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