You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
