I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
