Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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