I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
