I'm jealous of your bromance
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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