the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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