Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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