Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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