hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
