when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
