Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
