i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
