if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think people are normalizing furries
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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