Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
