I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
