omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What a dumb baby whore.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize