Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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