I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
