somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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