Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
