brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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