Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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