dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
