every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did I show you my penis last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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