You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize