The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
