awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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