Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
