i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
