Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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