That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
