but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
