Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
